Regan Roderigues

Regan contributes to the column PROPS. This column discusses the propaganda found in music, movies, social media, and advertising that shapes our culture.

Aging Doesn’t Suck. Ageism Sucks.

“We all watched James Bond as he got more and more geriatric, and his girlfriends got younger and younger. It’s so annoying.”  -Helen Mirren, age 77

In a society like ours, where youth is a prize, aging can be difficult. Especially for women. We all see the advertising, movies, and social media telling women to fight the inevitable. At all cost. That cost is more than financial. What are we teaching future generations? Age negates worth? Experience? Wisdom? There exists a mindset that women lose their value after a certain age. It’s called “gendered ageism.” This category of sexism begins affecting us in our 40s.

According to MarketDataForecast.com, The North American anti-aging market was worth $17.44 billion in 2022 and is estimated to reach $22.47 Billion by 2027. North America is expected to have a leading share of the global market.

What does that tell us? Grey hair? Dye it immediately! Wrinkles? Slather yourself in creams or at least put a bag over your head! Turning 60? Where do you wish to be buried?

“My face carries all my memories. Why would I erase them?” Diane Von Furstenberg, age 76

This is not the reality I know. Working at the Duxbury Senior Center, I encounter accomplished, amazing women every day who are thriving beyond the age of—clutch your pearls—50, 60, 70, 80, and 90! The common theme? Focus on healthy minds, bodies, and a positive outlook on life.

“Aging to date has not concerned me. I try to stay young in my thoughts and activities. I have the good fortune of being healthy so my lifestyle has not changed. In the past, I have had the pleasure of vibrant, sharp, and humorous older role models. Hoping I will be able to set the same example. Aging is what you make it, a state of mind.”  Betsy, age 69

“Age well. I try to get outside every day, keep a structured sleep schedule, read and stay connected with friends and family. Life slows down a bit- if you want it to. I care more about what I do with my time and less about how I look. Trying to make this last chapter my best!”  Donna, age 66    

“I try to keep healthy and eat good food. I also have many interests, such as painting and poetry.”  Sue, age 82                                                                   

Aging is traditionally thought of as a fast-moving trajectory. An accumulation of bodily damage and loss of function, leading to an increase in misery and death. Awesome.

However, recent studies are proving our biological age is more important than our chronological age. Chronological age is measured in years, but biological age is assessed by a person’s physical and mental functions. Our biological age—also known as our physiological age—is influenced by various factors. And while genetics plays a significant role, other factors include diet and nutrition.

“I rarely think of my age and feel I can do just about anything I want. I have never felt my age was a factor. Aging well for me means engaging with people and pursuing and learning new things.” Marcia, age 63

Society applies a challenging set of rules on older women, especially in terms of prejudices, and stereotypes. Take a moment: What assumptions come to mind when you think of older women? How many of those thoughts were negative?

“If I’m out to dinner with a lady friend, I’m always being put at the worst table in the restaurant. Wait staff often ignore us. Ageism definitely affects women more. Men can still get away with anything.” Kathy, age 80

I was texting a new female financial adviser who is probably 40, and wished her a Merry Christmas. Her response was, ‘You too dear.’ I did not like that—don’t think she should have addressed me as Dear! But unfortunately I did not react.  Suzanne, age 74

“As a teenager, anyone older than 40 years seemed old to me. Beyond 50 years and one was at death’s door. Now in my mid 40s, I have the luxury of interacting with senior women on a daily basis. I am learning. I am listening. I’m taking mental notes. ”

Have you heard of the Theory of Rowe and Kahn on aging? Look it up, it’s worth the read. The theory states that aging well—or successfully—means “the ability to maintain a low risk of disease-related disability, high mental, and physical function, and active engagement with life.” I know now that aging well is more more than that. I admire the older women around me who embrace themselves as they are; proud and still learning. Not stagnant. Open to enrichment, engagement, and joy.

Growing up, I had the benefit of an involved grandmother. But it wasn’t until I reached adulthood and began working with seniors that I began to truly understand how she helped shape me with her eternal grace and positive outlook on life. I did not fully appreciate this wisdom until after her death. She gardened, played cards, was active in her church, and was a lover, not a fighter. She was a rockstar. I wish I could ask my grandmother for her opinion now. How did she feel about aging? What stereotypes and assumptions did she experience?

Presumptions are not always overt. Gendered ageism is so prevalent, many are not even aware of the damage being perpetuated. Statistically, the workplace has the highest percentage of gendered ageism, affecting women’s job security and financial potential. According to AARP, two out of three workers between ages 45 and 74 say they have seen or experienced age discrimination at work (this number combines men and women). Further, the study found that 72 percent of women between the ages of 45 and 74 said they think people face age discrimination at work, and only 57 percent of men in the same age range reported the same. However, from public settings to familial, the problem is ubiquitous.

The underhanded compliment:  “Wow, you look good for your age!” Gee, thanks…

The next time you’re in the grocery store, pay attention to those around you. An older woman being helped as opposed to someone younger–was there a noticeable difference? An assumption the older woman had more time on her hands, therefore, slower in providing assistance.

Family members can be unaware of ageism. My own child said of her grandmother recently: “She wouldn’t understand, I’m not going to bother discussing what’s happening.”  My response:  “Try. Teach someone who loves you something new. Don’t assume.”

Schools have also unintentionally perpetuated gendered ageism with a “100-day celebration, Dress like a 100-year- old.”  Little girls (and boys) dressing in curlers with a kerchief over their heads, hunched over a walker.  The intention is to be fun, but the result is insulting. The older women I see look and smell better than me on most days.

“It’s almost as if we have failed if we don’t remain 25 for the rest of our lives. Like we are failures. It is a personal failure. Like, our fault that at 40 years old that I don’t still look like I’m 25. ‘Oh, I’m sorry. I apologize I wasn’t able to defy nature.’…I feel that aging is a privilege. I think that it’s something that I feel very honored that I get to do.” Cameron Diaz, age 50

So how do we fight it? I asked. I was answered with humor and positivity:

“Young men (anyone under 60) are willing to help me with luggage removal from the overhead bins on planes.”

“No more monthly periods to deal with! No more shaving under arms and legs!”

Let’s redirect our thinking: Education, awareness, and a “fuck you” to mandatory wrinkle creams. Those throwing the ageism shade should really take a good look at themselves.

Regan is a program coordinator at Duxbury Senior Center in Duxbury, MA. “My goal is to plan fun, worthwhile, and educational events here at the DSC. It is a joy and pleasure to work with and for those in our senior community and beyond. I can be found in the fun room (usually snacking and drinking coffee). Come and join me!”