Marie Romilus
Photo: Marie Romilus
Are Therapists Real People?
Joke: How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, so long as the light bulb wants to change. It’s a joke, but it’s actually quite true.
Did you know that more than 80% of therapists at some point also experience a diagnosable psychiatric disorder?
Every therapist should have a therapist. Every therapist should often attempt to provide their clients with some self-disclosure to be more relatable. Sometimes the experiences that we go through in life contribute to the profession that we go into. For me, becoming a therapist was a way to help others who experience similar issues as me but who feel they have no support, specifically in the Black and Brown communities.
It’s been proven that there are challenges that contribute to individuals in the Black and Brown communities to obtain the mental health support that they need. One of those challenges is feeling as if you cannot obtain a therapist who can understand or relate to certain issues that you have experienced in life.
Culturally Competent Care
NAMI offers resources to guide Black and Brown individuals and families through a mental health care system that has a history of prejudice and discrimination. NAMI suggests asking questions like these to a potential provider:
Have you treated other Black people or received training in cultural competence for Black mental health? If not, how do you plan to provide me with culturally sensitive, patient-centered care?
How do you see our cultural backgrounds influencing our communication and my treatment?
Do you use a different approach in your treatment when working with patients from different cultural backgrounds?
What is your current understanding of differences in health outcomes for Black patients?
Visit NAMI.org for more resources.
According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), “There are shared cultural factors that play a role in helping define mental health and supporting well-being, resiliency and healing.” Shared cultural beliefs such as family dynamics, religion/spirituality, similar communities, and at times even political beliefs. Being able to obtain services from someone who is of the same ethnicity is crucial to individuals who have experienced racism and inequality. When someone is being treated “less than” because of the color of their skin or their different culture, they begin to feel hopeless and experience increased stress and trauma. I know I did.
Only 1 in 3 Black adults obtain mental health care. Can you blame us? The Tuskegee Experiment ended in 1972, that was 52 years ago. And in the mid-1800s, Black women were used for medical experiments, including surgeries with no anesthesia, because the medical community believed Black people didn’t experience pain the same as white people.
One of the requirements during my graduate school years was that we all had to pick an analyst to be our therapist. At the time I didn’t have one and I was reluctant because I was not able to find someone I can relate to. When I looked at the list of analysts at our college, they each provided a little information about who they are. Based on the information provided, I picked an analyst I felt could understand me and my culture the most.
My therapist is a Jewish, Liberal, Black Lives Matter Feminist, and Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s doppelganger. I didn’t know these things about her, I wouldn’t feel as comfortable to open up. I knew that her grandmother escaped to Poland in 1943, her office has memorabilia relating to her culture, and beliefs. From her “I Heart Obama” sticker that’s on the left side of her desk, to the Matzo Ball soup she stated she just had for lunch in case I smell anything (Haitians have a version of this soup, so I felt at home).
If my choices are limited to only individuals who resemble my abusers and bullies, then I would not feel comfortable to be transparent about my issues. I grew up in a small town and at that time we were one of the few Black families. I would be the only Black student in my class for the majority of my time at my school. This kept me from actually receiving the help that I needed when I was younger because I would think, “How could this person possibly understand? They haven’t experienced the injustices that I’ve experienced, the judgment and bullying, being called “weird” girl because I didn’t look like everyone else.” At that time, few people understood the Haitian culture.
Recently, a client of mine asked me how I overcame the traumas that I have experienced. It seemed at that time she needed to feel that I understood her. Not just because I am empathic, but because I actually experienced trauma and I am not just providing her with feedback based on what I have learned through my studies.
Self-disclosure is a helpful therapeutic tool to use when it’s in the best interest of the client. In this situation, providing my client with the feedback she needed helped my client to remain hopeful. It allowed her to leave the session feeling more confident in her choice to be open with me. She didn’t feel alone anymore or question her decisions to protect herself because she was able to see that if I can overcome some of my trauma then she can as well. Culturally, my client grew up in a time when having any type of mental health concerns was considered evil. She was often told to “pray on it” when it came to stressors and depression she was experiencing. Culturally, it was normal for women to be sexually assaulted or molested as children and be made to feel it is the fault of the child, or the family prefers to hide the issues. We understood each other.
After COVID, there was an increase in individuals seeking mental health support. It took the whole world to shut down and people to go stir crazy for us to begin to recognize the importance of mental health services. I can argue with people all day about how much I feel that funding should go to education and medical/mental health services. It’s odd to me that people don’t often understand that when your brain is not functioning properly, then the rest of your body isn’t either.
Mental health doesn’t discriminate. Everyone can benefit from having someone to talk to and process with. People who aren’t biased or judgmental.
When I started my business, the focus was to provide therapeutic services to individuals in the Black and Brown communities because of the lack of services I had available to as a young person. I created free support groups for women of color and opened a summer teen support program. I open my offices to teenagers during the summer for three days each week to provide a safe space to check in, talk, conduct support groups, get free wifi, get access to computers, and get help with college applications and summer course work. This was important to me because growing up as the oldest of 7 children and the first child to immigrant parents, I often had to figure things out for myself. My parents didn’t have the knowledge and I didn’t have services like this.
One of the things I do to help me process my trauma and give back to the community is getting involved with services that relate to the traumas I have experienced. My first college job was with a women’s homeless shelter. Coming from Haiti at a young age, I still remember the times my father and I would have limited food and he would go two or three days without eating to provide me with meals until he was able to work and have money. We didn’t have access to food stamps, housing assistance, and the basic needs available here in the United States.
When I look at where I am today and compare my adulthood to my childhood, I am beyond grateful. Giving back to my community, being on the list of Haitian Creole-speaking therapists for immigrants who have arrived from Haiti and need support, and providing free services is the least I can do to help save someone else who just needs a little bit of kindness, understanding, and support to succeed. This is what you get from me at Bel Lavi Life Coaching LLC.
Marie RomiluS, MA, CPC, is the founder of Bel Lavi Life Coaching. Her practice focuses on bringing more awareness of mental health to the Black and Brown Communities. Born in Port-au-Prince, Haiti, and raised in the U.S. on Cape Cod, Marie incorporates her heritage and culture into her practice to provide the best mental health services. Marie is a regular contributor to PCS, where she reflects on topics of belonging through personal storytelling. Marie’s stories are her truth.
