Nicole Gambino

NICOLE GAMBINO IS AN EXECUTIVE FUNCTION COACH BASED ON BOSTON’S SOUTH SHORE. HER CLIENTS ARE SCHOOL-AGED FROM ELEMENTARY THROUGH HIGH SCHOOL AND SOME ADULTS. WE SPOKE WITH NICOLE ABOUT HOW A MISUNDERSTOOD MIDDLE SCHOOL EXPERIENCE MADE HER INTO A STUDENT ADVOCATE AS AN ADULT. WE START OUR CONVERSATION HERE:

Do you remember the first family that hired you?

When I was living in Boston. It was a family that was on my caseload when I was a consultant for Arlington public school district. (Before the Peace Corps and Landmark School.)

Peace Corps? That’s fantastic!

From 2000 to 2003.

Where did you go?

Jordan. That was my first experience ever teaching in a classroom. It was an  all girls, government village school. I loved it. I fell in love with it.

What were you teaching?

English as a second language.

How old were your students?

My students were middle school age.

What was it like in Jordan compared to the States?

No comparison. About 36 to 38 students in a class at one time. (For 2 1/2 years we stayed in the same village.)

Do you keep in touch with the students?

I did for a long time. I have one girlfriend that I still keep in touch with.

Do you ever feel like you want to go back there?

Yes! But I know, (due to the culture) what an undertaking that would be. I wouldn’t want to leave out any of the families I was connected to during my service. In Arabian culture, a visitor doesn’t just stop by to say “hello.”  It’s an event that can last a very long time. And can feel very draining.

Was there a minimum requirement of years to serve?

The completion of service certification is two years.

Is that when it began—when you fell in love with teaching? Do you think you would become a teacher if it weren’t for Jordan?

Yes! Everyone has their own story, and I struggled as a student. When I was 5, I was diagnosed with specific learning disabilities, mainly in the area of numerical reasoning and spatial relations. I was considered a special education student beginning in elementary school. I really can’t remember a time when  I didn’t struggle during class or at home trying to finish homework. It was pretty agognozing. I didn’t enjoy being a student because I wasn’t having success. The bar was set so low.

Who set the bar low?

The culture, the environment. I just stopped trying. I fell apart in middle school, seventh grade. My report card consisted of Ds and Fs, not because I couldn’t be successful, but because I became conditioned to believe that I couldn’t. As a result, I didn’t try.

During my freshman year in high school there was a change. I was in a history class, a low level class—all of my classes were low level—and I decided to study for a particular assessment. I really can’t recall why, I just decided to get organized on the floor of my family room, since that room was the most expansive surface area. I pulled worksheets and flashcards, and figured there was nothing to lose. I ended up getting an A+ on that test.

Wow!

It was a “wow,” but I didn’t pat myself on the back because it was a low-level class. I thought I could keep doing this, but this is still low-level. I guess that wasn’t enough to sustain gratification.

Then, during my sophomore year, my English teacher shared that he was going to recommend, after the first term, that I advance to the next class level. He didn’t feel that I was being challenged. He [said he] felt the behavioral challenges in the classroom were having a negative effect, and that I was capable of more. So, he put me in an English Composition class. It was extremely challenging.

I hate to say this, because he ended up being my favorite teacher, but the teacher at the time was considered the least favorite among my peers. He was strict, very stoic and I was certain that I was going to fail. The anxiety I felt during this transitional period was intense. The possibility of disappointing my previous English teacher was overwhelming since he advocated for me to advance.

You said that you were just used to not feeling successful and that the turning point was one of your teachers. But it sounded like your turning point was when you decided to try.

I think it’s both. I put forth some effort when I was a freshman and the resulting A+ so that gave me a glimmer of hope but the doubt was still there. Am I capable? Can I really do this?

In this composition class our first assignment was to watch the movie “Glory” with Matthew Broderick. We had to write a sensory detailed composition as if we were Matthew Broderick’s character writing home to our mother.

What an amazing assignment.

The night before, I was in my room, on the floor, in tears because I was certain that I was going to see another F on the paper. Again, at that age Bridget, I wasn’t thinking “well if I just try.” For years, I was conditioned to believe I wasn’t capable. Almost all of my academic experiences supported that. Eventually I started the paper and didn’t stop. It just flowed. It felt very natural. I cried the whole time, but I wrote it. And then I never proved it. I think I was afraid it was going to sound horrible. So, I just said ”This is the best I can do’’ and I handed it in.

A few days later, our writing teacher announced that he chose the two best papers to read aloud to the class. All of a sudden, he was reading my paper. Because I never proofread it, I didn’t realize, until maybe midway through. It really did sound incredible—I will never forget that moment because it changed the trajectory. I went to him afterward and I said “I can’t believe you chose mine. I don’t understand why.” He said “Well, I don’t really know what to tell you, it was one of the best. There were two A’s and yours was one of them.

That was it. I knew I was capable and I wanted more opportunities to demonstrate it. I just cliimbed, climbed, climbed because I was placed in an environment where I wanted to try. I didn’t have to, but I wanted to. The impetus was there.

How did it feel to find out that the validation you got came from yourself?

It was everything. That experience shifted my entire mindset. I definitely think success was all the more sweet knowing the two teachers involved were the most disliked due to their stoic demeanor and challenging nature Certainly not the hand-holding type!

You graduated from high school with good grades and it was then that you decided that you were going to do the same thing for other kids that these two teachers did for you?

No, there was a kind of pause during my early 20s. The draw was there, but I wasn’t ready to embrace it. I just wasn’t ready, but my program/process has always been in my back pocket. It’s always been there because it’s part of my own internal mapping system.

So there’s no cookie-cutter approach to executive functions?

No. But I use a blueprint. I defined it as a “Guard Rail” process. Each student begins with a guardrail slightly modified but from the same grid, so to speak.

What are those guard rails?

It’s a systematic homework management plan which evolves with the student. It incorporates six key components introduced in sequential progression. Self-regulatory strategies, and maintaining a healthy perspective on self-care is also infused.

You had me at self-regulatory. I’m 47 and have no self-regulation.

This is the most challenging. Student’s can feel emotionally triggered when moving through an exploratory process. There’s a lot of initial discomfort. Academic self-reflection can be very painful. Students are coming to terms with some of their most significant challenges and all of the feelings that go along with that. Validation is essential. Maybe feelings aren’t always facts, but they need to be acknowledged as an emotional queuing system.

Acknowledge the feeling, reflect on the overall goal, and identify options that can make the task more tolerable and easier to cope with. Do I have a stress reliever inoculation? Maybe I need my noise canceling headphones? Do I need to get a coffee? Do I need to take a walk or go for a run? Do I need a piece of gum? Do I need to be mobile somewhere other than my designated work-space for right now? It is an acknowledgement and deployment of individualized strategies and self-care choices that support what is in the best interest of an individual student.

Self-regulation and daily self-management require a lot of discipline and practice. It is a  journey, but it’s also a gift that a parent gives their child, the opportunity to self-explore.

These tools are going to be helpful when they become adults. And a lot of students don’t get these tools. I never had these tools.

Me either.

We come from a generation of students who are told “sit still at your desk. Don’t fidget. Keep your eyes forward.” There’s no acknowledgement of being a kid.

It’s interesting you say that because typically, with parents I open the conversation with a focus on feelings. One of the reasons for the struggle is that students don’t feel validated. For the majority of students, homework doesn’t feel good. We expect our children to put a significant amount of effort into a task that the majority of them dread. There’s a gap here. What I tell my students is “We’re going to make this more tolerable. Together we are going to create a personalized plan so that when you are on your own, with less support, you will have coping mechanisms and tools to self manage independently.”

So they participate in creating their own curriculum with you?

That’s the best part of it.

How long have you been doing this on your own as an executive function coach?

Since 2008.

That means the students you had when you first started are long since graduated, even from college. How does the validation from your students as a teacher compare to the validation you got when you were a student?

I know that most of my students are doing really well. They believe they are capable because each one discovered what their potential for success looks like.  I just want to keep going and continue growing. I’m always thinking of what’s next, I need to get to the next challenge!

You had to be challenged. You discovered that yourself, you found it in yourself. So when you get a student with a lot of [special] needs like that and you recognize immediately This kid needs to be challenged do you see yourself in them?

I really try not to personalize. Each student in this program feels challenged to academically experience the best version of themselves once their appropriate strategies are identified. That is the expectation across the board. I know when to pull tighter and when I have to loosen it up. I adapt to the environment based on the individual need.

Do you see yourself like your teachers from high school?

Yes and no. I mean, my personality can be somewhat intense, especially in a work environment. I certainly wouldn’t be surprised if some of the kids said I came across as scary when we first started working together. The expectations are quickly understood. This is a no-nonsense, nurturing program. That’s how sustainable results take root; no tinkering around! With a one-on-one dynamic, though, there are tons of open pockets for candid, fun moments. None of which I ever experienced with my high school teachers.

When you get a call from a parent to get your services are they desperate or are they being proactive?

There is a mix. This past year a lot of families felt desperate. Virtual [learning] was a tremendous struggle for a lot of students. Typically they speak to their primary care physician about what’s going on and then their physician, therapist or a neuropsychologist provides the referral. It’s validating, the need continues to be there.

It’s validating—there’s that word again—that they see your skill as something that their patients need. If you were back in 1986, say, would you look around your classroom and say that kid needs me, that kid needs me, that kid ... is this a new thing?

No. I don’t think executive functioning is new at all. I think the increasing curiosity is somewhat new though. There is certainly a spotlight there. The irony for me is the amount of ambiguity there appears to be when discussing the subject of EF with parents and medical professionals. For a client or individual to benefit from EF services—yielding results that are sustainable and morph into life skills—coaching services require minimal gray areas. The majority of students will eventually individualize their initial guardrail imprint so their daily process has flexibility. For students who struggle significantly with ADD and ADHD the rigidity, without any ambiguity, of a predictable and repeatable turn key process is essential for sustainable imprinting.

But you don’t like to love it by looking back, which is what makes you so good! Advocates like you don’t like to list their accomplishments.

I’m thinking about an episode from “Shark Tank” right now. A scientist was pitching his product to the panel of judges and he said “I get that you are excited about this product and its monetary value, but I just love the work.” That’s where I’m coming from. Being part of the transformation that occurs in a student when they begin experiencing success is tremendously gratifying. I feel honored to be a part of that.

It’s funny—again—I have my guard rails, I have my process, but I also am a blank slate. I try to enter every new home thinking I’m going to learn. I learn from my students. I never assume that I know everything because they’re the ones that teach me that I don’t.

Do you vet?

There is an application process for the purpose of ensuring that the service and student/family dynamic is in alignment. As a “results-based” business I pride myself on the integrity of sustainability. I have to make sure that we’re a good match. Ultimately program value is measured by the level of efficiency and productivity that occurs outside of a students’ coaching session. The purpose is creating sustainable imprinting for life-long self-reliance.

I think that there’s gonna be a lot of parents reading this going, I know the right questions to ask if I have to make this call. I know the right conversation to have and I know the right cues. What are the biggest hurdles you ever have to jump through?

My older students require more time. Their work habits are ingrained, and much harder to  break. Time, validation, patience, and commitment!

Nicole Gambino is Language-Based Learning Disability Specialist offering broad qualifications in phonological skill building, phonemic awareness, listening and reading comprehension, testing support, note-taking and study strategies, and writing organization for various academic levels and learning styles at-risk, struggling and special needs populations. www.nicolegambino.com