I Could’ve Been Her

By Jillian Hess

She could’ve been me.

Lindsay is NOT an anomaly.

I’ve felt that feeling.

The flip of the switch.

The millisecond where baseline overwhelm turns to uncontrollable rage.

That state of sheer irrationality.

Those screams. Those sobs.

Being wholly consumed.

Beyond my own control.

Terrified of myself.

Possessed.

Lindsay is NOT an anomaly.

I am common. I am typical. I am privileged. My family is beautiful. Our future is bright.

Hers was too.

Lindsay is NOT an anomaly.

I look at her and I see me and I cry.

For all of us.

Moms, you are not alone.

We all need help.

We all need each other.

To be seen and heard.

To be honest and open and unashamed.

Because Lindsay is NOT an anomaly

Jillian is a human, a mother of 4, a wife of 1 and keeps herself so busy that people are willing to overlook her imperfections. She can be found in Western Massachusetts singing in churches, tending to the dying and their loved ones as a hospice nurse and pleading with her offspring to just get in the car. She also loves to get her feelings out, and relate to others in emotional ways. Her writing is sporadic, real, and usually heavily punctuated. She has struggled with bouts of postpartum depression and PMDD for 8 years and thinks you should know.